people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
