hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
