I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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