great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
