After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
