508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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