my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
