did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
