I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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