that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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