I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
