we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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