I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
