I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
