One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
