So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
