I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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