At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
