My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
