Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
