So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
