you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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