Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
