3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
