hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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