and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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