Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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