The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
