My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The air taste purple.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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