we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I could fuck to npr.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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