Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
