tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
