don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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