its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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