he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize