I will die if light touches me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
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