you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
