do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
