I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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