dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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