the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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