Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
