you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
