By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
