just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
