I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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