she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
