God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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