I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
