Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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