I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis