We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just tell him i said nine months
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.