well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize