New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog