Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that