May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
