OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
