Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
