I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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