Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
