i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
