im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
