similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
