It was confusing and full of hummus
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
