Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
