Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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