Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
