I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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