I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I love you.
Bad choice
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
