5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
