But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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