My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
