Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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