Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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