This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize