Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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