he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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