Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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